i was so haunted for few days last week

so, my grandma passed away last saturday. after her long battle with colon cancer, she was finally in peace and left us for good. actually, after my last visit, her condition was better and according to my family, last friday was actually her best day in the past few months. she was so relaxed and concious. though some supertitious cousins and friends did tell us it might be a sign that she was leaving soon. and they were right. she left us the next day at 5+pm.


i just happened to step out from cinema and saw 3 misscalls from my cousins. i knew it right away that it was going to be bad news and before i had the chance to call back, they called again and delivered the bad news that grandma had just passed away. i was in shock. although i was kinda prepared for it, but still, i was shocked. before i could compose myself, my youngest uncle called and devastatingly told me that his mom passed away and cried out loud for few minutes before he hung up.


i broke down. even more when i called my sis and told her about it.


i flew back the next morning. the atmosphere in the house was so..weird. silence..grief..awkwardness...it was just not right. everyone was still wiping their tears and chocked at times. i myself swallowed so many bitter balls for that. my grandma's body had been sent to the funeral home after 8 hours of chanting by tibetan monks at home. so i drove there with my parents and some of my cousins. when we arrived, i walked nervously from the parking lot to the funeral parlour where my granda was rested and there she was..covered in colorful praying clothing, on the bed.


i broke down when my aunt said to her, "mum, your grandson is here paying respect to you."


she looked just the way she was when she slept. so calm and relax and...in peace. for the next few hours, we were busy picking a casket for her, watching my aunt putting make up on her, moving her from the bed to her casket, praying, listing down names for newspaper and all other necessary arrangements for the funeral. what we basically do for the next 3 days was chanting along with the tibetan monks for 2 hours in the morning, doing this and that in the afternoon, took a short nap at home, going back to the parlour for 1 hour of evening praying session and busy attending to cousins and friends who were very kind to spend their valuable time to drop by to pay respect and show support.


i kept crying at evening praying session. not because i was such a cry-baby. but looking at my grandma's picture..it was so intense that it brought back all the memories with her and i couldnt contain my sadness within. and, my grandma showed up everywhere! she was practically haunting us, in a good way. i could really see her laughing along with us when we joked about her. i could see her sitting on the chair watching us paying respect to her and said to us, "dont cry. it's alright." i could see her smiling when we said how beautiful she was in her sleep. and i could see her cry during the last praying session. it was so clear that i felt i was haunted.


but 'haunted' is not the right word to describe it. the truth is, she is gone, physically. but she lives on, in our hearts. because of all the memories that we have with her and we treasure.


i am damn glad she ever walked into the path of my life.